If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you would'nt have a job if he were any smarter.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The economy is so bad

The economy is so bad that...

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

My ATM gave me an IOU!

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one  wife.

I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

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Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...

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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Redneck Lottery

Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ?

The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

Redneck Murder

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder:

1) The DNA is all the same
2) There are no dental records

Redneck passed away!

A Redneck passed away and left his entire

Estate to his beloved widow . . . But she can't touch it 'till she's 14.